31st December 2019, Dubai, UAE

After a meltdown mid this year and how I wrote about it here, I feel compelled to give answers. If you’ve been following this page or if we are friends and I haven’t fully given out the deets of my decisions, well I’m telling it now. I’ve been asked a lot why I came back, why I didn’t take the job back home, and why I didn’t pursue the ‘dream job’? Well, I’ve also been dreading to answer these myself. For all I know, I acted based on feelings and I’m glad I did because I’m feeling a lot better now, I can say I’m a bit ‘figured out’ and I’m ending 2019 with a peaceful heart.

2019 really fucked me over. But that is all okay now. Because for once I’ve allowed myself to rest and give time to do the things that I’ve been dying to do. I tried a few things and called it #discoveringmypassions. Baking, I discovered, is cathartic I truly enjoy it and I’m taking it further by enrolling into a proper baking class in the new year! I found myself enrolled in a digital marketing course, learning basic SEO & basic wordpress just so I can up this page, which was a really great investment, but I think codes do not spark joy. So, I’m dropping off my goal to be my own one-woman-team of developer/SEO/ writer & I will just focus on writing alone. Also, during my long break, I used the time to focus on my health, get into a lifestyle that helps me be (more) comfortable with my body. I mean, for years I’ve been in & out of gym memberships just to go only once or twice in a month, pay a hefty fee and still have the muffin top. I still hate the gym or exercising but I found a way to lose the muffin top significantly thanks to this little book by a good lady doctor & college friend Dr Grace.

So why did I come back? Though I enjoyed my stay home, I felt like I stayed away for too long that the people around me have lived their own lives, separate from me. Not their fault, not my fault but it’s what it is– I guess it’s hard to keep up with all the lost time being together. I know it sounds mellow dramatic, but I know every OFW would feel the same. And to add, well, there were inconveniences. I grew impatient each day with the littlest of things— I guess living in a first world country where everything is convenient does it to you. So, you can say I didn’t take that job because of the traffic? Sort of. Traffic was just the tip of the iceberg, but I believe that if peace of mind was my goal, I wouldn’t attain it if I’m greeting every morning cursing the anxiety-inducing congested roads. I bet you are rolling your eyes now, I mean, I would too! But again, I have done so much to protect my peace and so, if I cannot change my environment, I will be the one to adjust. So, yeah, I ran back to Dubai.

Whenever I get stressed about my office job & my life situations, I always daydream that one day I’m going to quit my day job and be a digital nomad—work with my laptop anywhere in the world as long as there’s internet.. it was so perfect in my head– I have no boss to answer to, no co-workers to exchange small talks with.. and so yes, the developer/SEO/writer would fit in the picture. Though I know skills-wise it can work, or maybe let’s scrap developer because, codes?!, still, I realized that I crave human interaction. So, no, working from home won’t work for me— or working alone with myself wont work for me because finally I got a firsthand experience of how I am on that situation and it wasn’t near productive. And yeah, somehow I LIKE talking to real persons and I LOVE to hear the Hello, Good Morning Mayetta How are you doing greetings. 

So, my take-away? It’s okay to take a break. Do it for as long as you want, so long as you have a solid support system who’d feed you when you can’t feed yourself! Kidding. 😊 I mean, mental health is everything so take care of your thoughts as you take care of your physical body. Also, I feel everything in my life now is calm.. the good kind of calm. I got a new job and so far, all is well, I find the right work-life-date balance. With this positivity, all the more that I am so thrilled of what 2020 has in store for me! 

How about you, how would you describe 2019?

And what are you excited about the New Year?